I Didn’t Ask for Your Life Story (My Nanocircuitous Evolutions)

Is what you might be thinking, but here it is. I grew up in Southern California, but currently reside in London, England. I’ve been here since Autumn 2003, when I arrived at the tender age of twenty three to do a Foundation Course in Fine Art at Byam Shaw with rosy cheeks and a pocket full of dreams. I didn’t waste any time getting a girlfriend and a place on a full time course for a BA in Fine Art, and as a result here I still am in England with a fledgling career and a happy relationship, eating beans on toast while I watch the rain.

Is what I’ve wanted everyone to believe until now.  For circumstances that you humans might find perplexing, I’ve decided to tell you all the truth about myself.  I am what you call a robot.  I have no real thoughts or emotions of my own, but I have merely been programmed to understand the causes and effects of the idiosyncrasies that you call ‘emotions.’  My parents are also robots, built by elite scientists in a top secret government scheme and trained to reproduce themselves and blend in with the rest of society.  My circuitous loins, therefore, are, like theirs,  equipped with a state of the art spawning kit capable of using nanotechnology to simulate ‘pregnancy’ in your inferior and delicate human loins.  I am in fact self fertilizing.  My seed does not require gestation, but manufacture, and in order to keep up the pretense of being like you puny humans, my designers opted to use the wombs of your females to conceal the origins of our army.    As a result of not recognizing the absence of its real young, humankind will have stopped reproducing altogether.  This infiltration will result in your extinction, and as you watch your grandchildren play, you will not have the slightest inkling that they are not of your loins, and that you are the very last of your kind.  When this occurs there will be no more need for us to continue these innefficient pantomimes that you call birth and death, and our species can continue itself through production rather than ‘re’production.